She is going away for a while, she has got to get clean. She is only seventeen. She sees herself as a lost cause. A nothing to live for kinda a person. But there is one place she can always find herself. The place where you don’t have to walk through gates to see the other side. There are no fences, no boundaries, no walls, no traps and its ok to trespass. The gates sit open like arms wanting to reach out and hold her tight. Sitting alone on the other side, she knows the grass is greener. No longer does she think, she is going away for a while, she has got to get clean. To all her friends she has lost, they will meet again in this life or another.
He is going away for a while, he has got to get clean. He is almost forty three. Longing for a place of solitude just to escape the daily struggles of life. He could never forget the description of such a place bursting from the young girls lips at the NA meeting. How could he ever find a place like that to call his own? Where the clouds are blue, the grass is green, no barricades to hold him still, everyday is warm with a summer breeze, no traffic, no rules. He no longer wants to think, he is going away for a while, he has got to get clean.
Holding the gun to her head, she wants to go away for a while. No twenty one gun solute, no red badge of courage will placed on her jacket, no one will understand why. After all suicide is so cheap when your only seventeen. She is so tried of living life like she is already dead.
He drives to clear his mind. He approaches a field, with two gates and no fence. Quickly, he slams on his brakes. Anxiously he creeps up the gravel road in his old beat up Buick. Never has he seen a place look so beautiful.
She sees the Buick. Anxiety sets in. Carefully she drops the gun to her waist and walks towards the car. To her surprise she knew the man, he was addict just like herself. She had been planning something big, now was not a good time. He would not understand, after all he is almost forty three.
He saw the gun, the girl, the place where she describable indescribable setting. Of course he knew what this was about. So he took a seat on the grass. He was not a man of many words, as a matter of fact he can’t remember the last time he carried on a conversation outside of NA meetings. To his surprise she took a seat beside him... and gently rested her head on his shoulder.
“Why are you here,” she mumbled as she sat the gun on the edge of her sundress.
“I remembered the stories you told in NA, so I thought I would search for a place like this to call my own,” he replied as shifted uncomfortably.
“I came here today to meet my friends who have all gone away,” she croaked as a tear fell down her cheek.
It was obvious to him she was high due to the gloss over her eyes and dilated pupils. There was no helping her after all she was only seventeen.
“I think you need to go away for a while to get clean,” he informed her.
“Why? Your almost forty three and still as messed up as me. Seems so pointless mister,” she giggled as she looked into his dull grey eyes.
She didn’t even notice he only had one arm until he stood up and his sleeve dangled lifeless by his side. Puzzled and high she quizzed him, “ Why do you only have one arm?”
Annoyed and vulnerable he began to walk away. But for some reason he felt her eyes piercing through the back of his skull, so answered, “Car accident. Thats how I got addicted to hydro’s.”
“Do you think suicide is bad,” she whispered just loud enough for him to catch wind of her conversation.
“Yes. It’s the easy way out,” he responded.
Surprisingly he lifted up his pants to show her his prosthetic leg. She stared in disbelief. There were so many questions she had to ask. But before she could even get a word out he began to tell her the story of his failed attempt of suicide. He had tried to commit suicide two years after his car wreck. He cut his throat, since a one-armed man can't cut his wrists. He wedged himself between a chest and the wall and attempted to die in that position. In his suicide note he said that he wanted to die standing up, like a man. His mother found him seconds after, and was able to keep him alive till the ambulance arrived. He told her how thankful he was to have a second chance, which is why he is going away for a while to get clean, life is short he is almost forty three.
Now she is gone away for a while, she has got to get clean. No one can believe she is only seventeen.
No comments:
Post a Comment